the thoughts of a mind wandering

I have realized my past, and the truth of the person I am and was. I know now what family is, and the true meaning behind knowing someone. I fell off of a branch, hit my head, and bled my old blood till I could smell the stench of my past. I hope that people can find their past, and know the truth behind it.

I am reading a book called Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger. I love it. I should really read alot. It would help me escape into my own creative bubble that I am endlessly searching for. Keep reading. Joel

I love graffiti, love graffiti, and art, and graffiti.

I can feel my muscles tighteening and I know that its working. My body too weak to mourn, and my eyes too dry to cry. I don't know what I feel, I am too tired and sick to feel. I am over, this is over. I wish time didn't bite me so hard. Liking someone and falling in love is just and excuse to get hurt. I am lonely without faith, and in some dark tunnel to which there is no end. I hope that time will get me out. Where is my Superman? Where is my sweet redemption? I will remain on autopilot and try to overcome the past, by any means. Though the drugs have worn off, it was nice to get away from the cycle. It was nice to take a small two hour vacation in the hills of my empty mind. Feeling numb and lonely, is the worst feeling in the world. I hate all the cynical bastards that tell me what to do, and give me their phony advice on pain they don't understand. I hope time will go, pass, and leave me to drip out the sadness. I am done with feeling like this. Though the happiness is vague, it is there, I just need to clear the suffocating fog that I am in. Don't tell me that it is sad, I know, don't tell me that you are sad for me, I know, instead give me something that will take the stinger out of the sting. It is still there and I don't know how to take it out. Hope you had a fun year babe, cuz I did, experienced alot, and hope to forget it. My name is Holden Caulfield and I am writing this, because I am being held hostage, being interrogated, and tortured by sadness.......................My name is Holden Caulfield, my name is Holden Caulfield, my name is Holden Caulfield. .......................My name is Joel Vejendla.

Sometimes what you want isn't what you want, and you spend so much time thinking that its what you want. Keep your heart on the highest rung of the ladder, no your desires. Know to trust your heart and know what desires it yearns. Mistakes are made, and you learn lessons. Even the rose has its thorns, and can prick its victim. Break-ups suck. But a lot of things suck right now. Happiness flies away with you sometimes, not knowing the true reality don't get sucked up into it. Sometimes the frosted icing is sour, and old, and sick, and fucked up. Think about how things make you feel, and the consequences of the limitless choices you have in any given situation. Maybe my nerve endings will soon cut off and maybe I wont be able to feel anything soon. I wonder if I will ever be able to look at her in the same way again. Right now I am absorbed in the sad melancholy of the whole process of a teenage adolescent youth wondering about the path to happiness, and love, love, living breathing bright love. I am not as sad as I thought, just on the brink of realization that all things will inevitably die in the end, even love.

Why is it that when your up, you go down. The forces of gravity aren't only outside our minds, but inside our minds. Maybe I am just crazy. I just want to say that Kelly Clarkston makes me excited and curiously wonderful. Since you been gone, I can't breathe for the first time. ahahahaha!!!!!! ahahhahaha!!!!!!!!
Sometimes life is poopy, and sometimes life is like sunshine dust. If you know what I mean, tell me that I'm green, This just doesn't make any sense. Why the hell do I write in the fuckin thing anyway, I write like every 2 months. WHateva,
until next time.................................... JOel"the astronaut of time" vejendladkf

Pleasure in a pleasure's mind
Knowing the difference between effective and defective
I feel sucked and engulfed into the gift wrapped present called life
As I'm thrown like a pebel in a river of life
I remember that sad and happy are just wrinkles in time
Maybe tommorow I can iron my arms to myself
One day I'll buy a motorcycle and make it fly, make baby bananas cry, talk to trees, make cotton candy inot real clouds, and turn mice into men
All in a wrinkle in time
All in the twinkle of time
All in a wrikle in time
close envelope, send into male.

I am going on a journey, far across the land I live, called Michigan. I will visit the foreign land which people call Texas. San Antonio will be the village I will stay at. I hope to find new miracles, and realities of life in this five day path to Texas. I will try to absorb in my pores the warmth and spirit of Texas, and it will stay forever printed in my heart. I am excited to lounge and contemplate in the free time I have, I am excited to talk to people to change friends into close friends. Let the games begin. The Man in the Iron Mask

Well this is it, haven't written in a while. I guess I was just lost, lost for awhile. I am not trying to be emo or anything. I am just telling what happened. I guess I just was another moving particles. Just a moving particle in the sea of other particles. I am glum as usual I just feel like sometimes I think of things as an ideal. I fall in love with every girl that gives me the least bit of attention. I wish that I didn't think about things to loud. Yeah that is it just too loud, things will get softer, softer, softer.......piano

Slow tender flakes of ice fall as my fingers cry in the cold. I lay in the midst of thousands of these special flakes of snow, my mind burried, my mind sound, and peace and happiness penetrating every joint, nerve, and vein in my body. Children laughing, playing as time dances slowly around them. when they are playing, time stops and laughter takes over the driving wheel. A stone you see with your eyes on the side walk, turns into the soil, which turns into the grass, which turns into an animal, which turns into the air, which turns into you. Everything is connected like a rope, intertwined and mixed together with unbreakable bonds of love. Love the stone like you love your lover. Love the snow flake. Breath is visibile to the air, and the wind tickles your face. You are in a state of bliss. Pure enjoyment of life. Numbers, letters, and anything written doesn't matter anymore, only the child who touches the fire, learns never to touch the fire. Fall down to your bed, and wake up from this dream. wake up. wake up. Realize that you can make anything happen in your dreams. That dreaming and sleep should be sacred part of life, because that is the only thing you can totally control. So make use of this talent born into the human mind, and dream love dream love dream. your world, your thoughts, and your body, only in dreams, only in dreams.